Lessons from Deities, Daemons and the Buddha
Long ago, the Devas and Asuras were preparing for war. But instead of bloodshed, the Asura king Vepacitti challenged the Deva king Sakka to a debate. Victory would belong to the one who spoke with greater wisdom. A panel of judges was assembled to decide the outcome.
Vepacitti, the Asura king, went first:
“Having no restraints
Would make the fool flare up.
Thus the wise one
Should restrain the fool
With a heavy stick.”
To him, controlling anger meant using force, asserting dominance, and beating back opposition.
Sakka, king of the Devas, calmly responded:
“With the knowledge that
He is provoked,
Mindfully growing calm
Is the best restraint, as I see.”
— Samyutta Nikāya, Sakka Saṃyutta
The debate wasn’t just about war. It was about how to deal with angry people—a question as relevant today as it was in the time of the gods.
Which response do we choose when someone yells at us, insults us, or hurts us—force or calm?
The Buddha’s View: Anger Feeds Anger
The Buddha himself later echoed Sakka’s words:
“You make things worse when you flare up at someone who’s angry.
Whoever doesn’t flare up at someone who’s angry
Wins a battle hard to win.”
— Samyutta Nikāya, Akkosa Sutta
We are taught that hatred never ends through more hatred, but only through love and non-hatred. That sounds good in theory. But how do we actually practice it?
Vepacitti’s concern is a familiar one:
“As a cow chases the one who runs,
he’ll pursue even more, thinking—
‘He fears me.’”
— Samyutta Nikāya, Sakka Saṃyutta
This is our fear too. If we respond with calm, won’t they think we’re weak? Why should I back down if I did nothing wrong? Isn’t staying silent the same as losing?
There’s also the rush of satisfaction in getting back at someone who hurt us. We’ve all heard someone say, “It doesn’t matter that I got hurt—I hit him harder.”
So why does anger feel so good?
Anger Feels Sweet—Until It Kills
A devata once asked the Buddha:
“Having killed what
Do you sleep in ease?
Having killed what
Do you not grieve?”
The Buddha answered:
“Having killed anger
You sleep in ease.
Having killed anger
You do not grieve.
The noble ones praise
The slaying of anger—
With its honeyed crest
And poisoned root.”
— Samyutta Nikāya, Devatā Saṃyutta
Anger feels like honey—sweet, exhilarating. It thrills.
But beneath that thrill lies poison. It spreads like venom in our relationships, in our minds, and in our future.
Yes, getting revenge might feel good for a moment. But that moment passes. Then you live with the consequences: resentment, guilt, or the fear of retaliation.
Anger thrills, but it kills.
The Strength of Restraint
When someone insults you, and you respond with calm and clarity—not because you’re afraid, but because you’re mindful—that’s true strength.
As the Buddha said:
“If you mindfully grow calm
When knowing the other is provoked,
You live for the good of both—
Your own and theirs.
Those who think you are a fool
Know nothing of Dhamma.”
— Samyutta Nikāya, Akkosa Sutta
Being calm does not mean being passive. It means not allowing someone else’s anger to control your own actions. It means seeing clearly. It means being free.
A Thought for the Day
When anger arises—yours or someone else’s—ask yourself:
Who do I want to be in this moment?
Vepacitti, king of force?
Or Sakka, king of restraint?